It’s so much easier reading bullet points:

  • I’m from Cleveland but have lived in NYC for a few years.
  • I have a wife who I still like to bone (a lot).
  • I have 3 daughters.  1 is special needs but then again so am I.
  • I do stand-up comedy.
  • I can’t take life seriously.
  • I don’t care for too many people cause people are mostly dumb and/or annoying.
  • I host a podcast/radio show called “It Doesn’t Matter You’re Gonna Die”.
  • If you noticed, that is the same name as this website.  (Should this get it’s own bullet or be part of the last bullet?)
  • People get to let their shit go by leaving EFF OFFS on our message board and then we discuss the best ones on our live radio show.
  • I was once sued and had everything taken from me overnight.  I knew exactly how MC Hammer felt at the end of his movie when they were taking all his stuff out.
  • Instead of fixing up my truck that was totaled in an accident, I “invested” the insurance money into some 900 lines (how was I supposed to know computer dating would be the rage).  If you are too young to know what a 900 line is, go fuck yourself.  I paid $323 a month for 60 months on a truck that sat mangled in my parent’s garage.
  • I love Barbra Streisand, musicals and hair bands.
  • I’ve done and said a lot of stupid things (and that will most likely continue)
  • My Dad is gay (we are pretty sure).  My sister is gay (100% sure).  My Dad acts way gayer than my Sister (for sure).
  • I’ve had many failed business ventures and a couple decent ones (only 1 that was kinda legal).
  • I thought at one point I was going to have my own knock off perfume store.  If I could have just unloaded 487 bottles of fake Cool Water and Polo Sport to anyone who weren’t my parents.
  • I’ve had (and bounced back from) financial disasters and life’s normal ups and downs; nothing can stop me from laughing and having fun.
  • I will be the first one to make fun of myself and quick to make fun of anything and anybody no matter what the situation. That’s how we were raised, sit around the table and make fun of each other.  It’s a sign of affection.  If my family isn’t making fun of you, we pretty much hate you.
  • I even laughed at my own Mother’s funeral (she would have wanted it that way).

“I’ve realized through my experiences that nothing is serious. And anything that happens is always for your higher good even if it seems “negative” or “bad” at the time.  Negative or positive, good or bad are definitions we give things based on our beliefs, it’s not based in reality.  Everybody is so worried about everything, stressing out, complaining, being negative, living miserably, and wondering if every single word out of their mouth is politically correct or will offend someone.  Why is everyone so God damn serious?  I mean really it doesn’t matter you’re gonna die”. -Dave Arena

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If you want to learn more about my stand-up comedy including upcoming shows and how to book me to perform please visit the BOOKING PAGE

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